Thursday, January 26, 2012

I miss my warm sunny days


It is never an easy task to keep everything hold up in your emotional sleeves... especially when you has been handling things around differently thou nobody actually notice it... I finally decide to write something up to lift the heavy burden on my shoulder... which instantly reminds me of Hans Isaac and erra issues back then... FGS

It has been a month now... I am not sure will it tear fully apart or this is just hell off a rocky turn ... I am not even sure which path should I choose and will it be a smooth ride...

I stop asking from HIM this few days. It is not that I disbelieve but I think I should just stop ... embarrassed, ironically ridiculous. 

Listed down few things on what I should stop. But to tell the truth... it already was, even before I start listing it up...

I was thinking of a gateway ... alone... but thinking of even going to petrol station 15 minute away already piss mum off, I just switch it off... 

It does break my heart when people already decide for me that I have to stay here... almost 3 years now since walid left us... the funny thing about a talk... a talk is just a talk... naturally they tell you they didn’t force you... and you make your own choices but then later on that exact moment a statement as "well you live here and soon both of you will have to face the same thing all over again"... and it is funny how people can be defensive but when you trying to put your own words to it.. The word immature comes straightway to your face...

the most disappointing was when you try so hard, you provide everything without thinking of your own happiness and needs was easily come down too "satu sen pun tak guna"... was rather disappointing. 

Seeing other people can’t even stand staying in Batu Pahat more than 5 days was amusing. Especially with those words and judgements. Much more hurtful if they didn't lift any burden but keep putting in and still everything went well... 

What more can disappoint you when your plan is indeed only a plan... 

A month of coldness
A plan which is just a plan
A talk which breaks you more
Keep praying 
Keep think about positive things
and yet you still have to pretend that everything went well...

OKAY ALRIGHT

I am trying so hard ... 

It is that easy for people to keep giving advices … which later comes down to … pray hard to HIM….

It’s getting lonely all of sudden… my happiness was stripped away and yet to return … I guess… yes I know… everything happen for a reason… I miss him... That’s all I can say… I wish to talk to somebody… and the person just listens to me…

Funny… I always complain how he always called to listen and just listen to my story every night...even venting out sometimes …  memories indeed can’t be erase… 

I miss my warm sunny day

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pergh haru biru di kala kusut kusut duk rumah ni... maka oleh kerana aku tak ada camera dan dapur yang cantik.. maka blog ajalah yang mampu cerita... jeng jeng jeng

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