Thursday, December 15, 2011

When 1000 years ago Companion and soul mate means spouse


While in this Y2K (yup a bit too  lame to use this term) era we clearly can reach and share tons of info regardless privacy and secrecy. The marriage institution was clearly jeopardized when we can talk, meet, add, view and fall in love all over again without remember such important thing as spouse.  What happen to those vows you made? Can’t we just be like our folk back then just accept and try our best/ or make do with what we have.

On my personal note, each time my married friends contacted me to ask for advice, I swore I pray to Allah may this will not be in my karma list…
WTFish of course it scares me off.
This is not the era where spouse will sacrifice personal satisfaction for our happiness, most of them careless about their own appearances than what the others would say about us. I would say “Rare event” to see/know such guy willing to accept their wife for who they are (minus the lucky sibling of mine and few cousins i say they just plain lucky compare to those wallpost i read). AND it still bothers me to hear a colleague of mine; brag about how he actually threats his wife to keep slim or else (you can guess whathefish h said here" jatuh taklik nanti baru ko tau) and I say... He don’t deserve her… what are you playing at? She obviously loves you and what you do is you dare to threaten her? He is not good looking either well-off … if I was her, since most of us know he start saying that even before marriage I won’t even shortlisted him in my dream man…. I am sorry but as soon as I see his face at work I just hope that “Ally Macbeal” possess me.  Meanwhile please do keep your problem with your spouse in your pouch. I don’t want to be lucky not to be married at this age or even happy to be free being me.
Yup I know I am not fair by keeping saying man and guy up here…. But let us hear this stupid situation 


entah la.... sebenarnya aku sakit hati tengok kawan kawan aku dapat laki yang perasan good good ni...

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Untungla... SBPA oh SBPA

MAAF KALAU YANG AKU TULIS NI ADA YANG TERASA. 

Di saat saat ini aku sangat keliru dan marah .... bila Bendahari tempat kerja aku dah masuk bulan ke 3 tak clearkan claim aku.... start hati aku ni terdetik jahat... "Maaf walaupun kerja aku di bayar ikut jam yang telah ditetapkan, tapi aku boleh dikatakan ada 24/7 kat sini sedia berkhidmat bila di perlukan, tapi tak ada siapa paksa cuma aku rasa tanggung jawap aku ada kat sini, lagi pun memang hari hari aku ada at-least 3 jam berbayar kat sini, bukan riak, bukan belagak.... tapi layak ke diaorang terima, call je meeting, call je gerakan, call je ada event department, call lagi sekali ada hari keluarga department, call je kursus, semua makan dan relax percuma di waktu kerja" ...

mula rasa marah, sebab aku hari hari tinggalkan mak aku sorang sorang di rumah, hari hari aku bertolak sebelum pukul 7 mengelak kesesakan lalu lintas, kadang kala sempat masak untuk ibu, kadang kala aku pergi cam tu je, petang lepas kerja, kalau stress gi track tgk orang lari... no! aku tak lari aku tgk je... tak lebih 30 minute aku balik rumah. itu jelah masa aku. balik routine aku macam biasa. pukul 9 malam last check untuk email dan FB, kalau kalau ada kerja atau bantuan yang diperlukan oleh penuntut. bergitu "didikasi(ye saya perasan)" tapi tidak setimpal tidak pula bertukar ke status tetap. tidak pernah bising. sebab aku suka kerja aku. walaupun sering terluka kadang kadang rasa terhina dengan kata kata penuntut.

kembali ke cerita tadi, melihat "sesetengah" mereka yang acuh tidak acuh rasa marah dan geram semakin meningkat. tak adil untuk akak techinician kat depan ni yang rajin gila tak pernah tinggalkan bilik, bergitu juga abang techinician lab 2, yang lain kalau masuk lab tersebut serupa tak ada orang,  belum cerita dicampak baling untuk mendapat penjelasan mengenai tuntutan. akhirnya aku diam juga. berakhir seperti bulan sebelumnya. mengharap agar diberitahu jika ada kesilapan dari pihak aku atau sesuatu telah berlaku, tetap sabar menunggu sambil kebimbangan yang amat jika aku menyusahkan bonda yang berada dirumah. hari hari mengharung juga trafik batu pahat -parit raja, walaupun demam belum kebah, walaupun semalam baru keluar hospital... tapi mereka tidak perlu itu semua. Tinggal call EL, MC belum cerita admit hospital dapat GL lagi. Masih lagi kedengaran suara kurang bersyukur di sesetengah wall, "ala aku kira gaji aku naik 150 je"....

paling geram bila lihat kaum benci kerajaan tapi segala keuntungan dimasuk poket. bukan cakap politik, bukan perli, bukan semua PA macam tu, tapi majority...

paling sedih ramai kawan aku yang dulunya Gila kerja, tapi perlahan-lahan disini aku lihat seorang dua sudah mula kecundang..mungkin sudah menjadi kebiasaan akhirnya teradaptasi adat PA. kalau cerita Halal dan haram pada aku laju sahaja aku dengar. tapi halal haram yang disuap ke mulut menjadi darah daging apa cerita?

[ya aku bengang dengan kawan aku yang tulis kat wall dia pasal duit gaji dia yang tak cukup sentiasa, yang batang hidung pun payah nak nampak kecuali hari hari tertentu, yang paling aku geram cerita politik dia.... dah la pening la dengar.. orang lain ada je pembangkang tapi tak la bising macam ko kowt... relax dah la.. kalau tak puas hati .. ko je la jadi ahli politik.. betulkan mana salah.... aku lalu dengar suara ko pun aku tak lalu la....]

p.s lucu...perlu ke aku beritahu aku sangat perlu kerana aku tiada suami yang menanggung, atau aku anak Yatim yang sudah berumur ini ... ni saranan kawan aku.. tapi aku rasa telampau lucu sebab sedih gila .. menagih nagih baru boleh terimakah? untungla law aku dapat kerja tetap gaji tetap tiap bulan... mesti ibu tak susah

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Argghhh OK aku drama

owh sedap la haritu cakap kat semua orang "Yes, tahun ni aku tak masuk hospital"....


oklah gak.. atleast ada orang datang melawat... dah la pakai baju seragam kerja dia tuh.. muncul.. terkejut mak... but thanks to everyone who prayed for my health

janggggg memang cuti awal muharam ni bagi aku rehat betul.. yang paling tak best bila masuk air ni.... badan lemah... tak larat... cam ne pun .. harini mula semula .. episode berkerja keras.. haja haja fighting alish .... wtfkshkadhk lawak ar ... lawak

Friday, November 04, 2011

Macam bagus je ugut ugut

aku pantang betul dengar orang cakap dengan isteri dia...

"kalau ko gemuk aku kawin lain" atau "kalau ko gemuk aku ceraikan kau"

ada boyfriend tu pun cakap cam ni... esok lusa dah nak kawin pulak tu..

kalau aku jadi perempuan tu confirm aku tak kawin dengan lelaki tu...

mentang mentang dia tahu kita sayangkan dia, dia tahu bagaimana kita perlukan dia dan bergantung dengan dia

senang senang je nak menggunakan kelemahan wanita tersebut.....

lain la kalau ko tu kaya kot, kacak, gaji besar alam, hebat segala perkara...

 perempuan tu nak ko pun dah syukur dah....

sorry aku tak respect langsung lelaki yang suka ugut perempuan pattern pelbagai ni ... ni baru pattern

pelbagai... suka suka je... kalau jatuh taklik tu ... kita tak perasan... dah dosa bertambah tambah lagi.....

Thursday, October 27, 2011

CMT off CELCOM - UPAX -macammana- how to

ngaa akhirnya.. dulu macam senang je nak subscribe CMT ni .. percaya tak aku cuba sampai seminggu nak off kan benda alah ni gara gara memang guna prepaid nak save budget konon tapi kena telah RM1 seminggu...


oleh kerana tahap kekacakkan aku kurang maka aku masih guna UPAX dari masa aku belajar dulu... hahaha nasib ul bagi tau ada upax free dulu.. sampai sekarang pakai still harga cam dulu... ahaks nak masuk 30 dah ni

ngaa okay... untuk off kan dia... follow ni .. memula dail

*118#

pastu pilih
3. the cube

pastu pilih
6. music cube

pastu pilih
2.CMT

Pastu pilih
7. unsubscribe

jangggggg akhirnya... erkkk tgk tu kat screen tu.... nak langgan ON CMT je nak off punya payah.. apa pun jimat 4-5 ringgit sebulan :D




Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Jalan Batu Pahat ke Parit Raja/Kluang

Hari hari ada kemalangan.. sekarang nak pergi kerja 6.50pagi dah keluar rumah... hari tu ada gak accident.... lepas tgk construction bermula .. dah tak pernah dah keluar lambat dari 7... takut lambat sampai tempat kerja.. nak hantar sarah lagi.. tapi minggu lepas memang serius seram... tak student mesti lecturer yang accident, staff lagi....

ok aku syukur dia bakal siapkan. aku harap janganlah siapkan macam dulu. kualiti jalan macam haram. accident bertambah jugak.... tak kira lah berapa ops sikap nak buat ke apa.. tapi kalau kondisi jalan + dengan pemandu kepala batu memang la accident....

ok dengar cerita... bab dengar cerita ni, macam macam cerita boleh dengar tak tau mana satu yang betul...kita joyah joyah kat sini sambil panaskan bontot kita yang tengah pending ni... benar atau tidak kita serahkan kepada mereka

Cerita pertama: Alkisah pemaju pemaju besar menyalahkan JayKayeeR kerana mahu bagi projek tersebut kepada kontraktor kecil sekitar batu pahat. mereka pasti jika mereka yang jalankan projek tersebut maka tidak akan dan mungkin menghadapi masalah sedemikian

cerita kedua:
maka dengan itu JayKayeeR menyalahkan pula kontraktor sebelum ini dimana tidak mengikut plan pembangunan dan jangka masa yang telah di tetapkan.

cerita ketiga: penduduk kawasan sekitar projek pembagunan jalan tersebut pula mula berang dengan keadaan jalan yang umpama menempah maut... maka setelah wujudnya mereka yang perihati menubuhkan muka Kami Mahu Jalan Batu Pahat - Kluang Disiapkan ni Facebook... maka wujud pula cerita whYBee gajah hadapan mata tak nampak, dan negara konon konon je maju

cerita aku... ni apa yang aku rasa sebenarnya .. tolak sana sini pun tak guna.... cuma harap kontaktor kali ini jujur dan kualiti tar lebih baik sebab tanah tanah gambut + lembah macam kat johor ni rasa base dan sub base kenalah lebih tebal sebelum letak lapisan asphalt yang terakhir.... dan kalau aku jadi whYBee aku pun kusut... bagi salah salah kontraktor kita gak yang kena... jadi JayKayeeR jgn cakap la kalau sedara confirm dah kena bising ni... 'wei ko kerja JayKayeeR apa citer wei'... .. alang alang korang bengang sangat... pergi je jumpa whYBee, JayKayeeR ramai ramai... kan orang Malaysia sekarang dah pandai habis bab bersih membersih, reform mereform .... benda ni berkaitan nyawa ni... apa kata bantu kami ni pula.. tabek spring la

untuk mereka yang tak reti nak berkata kata sangat dan comment banyak banyak apa lagi... jom ramai ramai join dan post maklumat accident, lecongan baru DSB


post la kejadian yang belaku sekitar sekurang-kurangnya kita ada log dan oleh kerana selalunya aku drive sorang mana ada masa nak amik gambar.... jadi tunaikan jasa anda menambah log untuk perhatian semua rakyat lain.. untuk JayKayeeR, kontraktor , whYBee , dan rakyat juga akhirnya

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Raya ... what i hate the most

while everybody else going for shopping, prep for raya, i always not one of them... this is my 5th raya without new baju raya.. and i didn't mind any of that... my baju still wearable since uni life....

but the only thing i get every year was anak tak guna... got it today... didn't slept all night washing curtains.... left only 2 set of sliding door curtain.... didnt slept afraid that i didnt cook for sahur and fail to wake everbody else up... and being scream at....

now i only have to wait cooking alone again... done with my rendang, serunding etc etc schedule ... this will be my 6th raya cooking alone... while everybody else arrive only almost midnight of raya....

i am not looking forward for it.... I just wish my dad to be around... he always know how hard to keep up in this house.... whatever you do people just won't notice..... especially if you dooze of a little more than usual.... but who knows we stay up all night doing house chores ...with my tight teaching schedule... all i get was anak tak guna

i never complain i cant spend more, go for vacay , uses parents credit card... i don't have that experience.... if people ask me to ponder upon more... or said things about life education... i will totally shut down...

i always say i regret knowing how to cook.... because i never tasted my mom cooking since 2002... each term break comes around.. everybody was talking about how good it is to be back at kampung... home cook.... time to relax.... holiday and shopping... i just turn around... well after all why should i despair since all of this is my routine....

wish to have something for myself more... i spend some sum of money on new gadget... but at the end... i still felt nothing... lost to many... will i gain more in future? ... i hope Allah is on my side... i only have him to really talk through everything... and here....

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Politik: saya tak faham kenapa



Politik adalah proses dan cara membuat keputusan untuk sesuatu kumpulan. Walaupun ia biasanya digunakan bagi merujuk kepada kerajaan, tingkah laku politik juga boleh didapati di korporat, akademik, agama, dan institusi lain.[wiki]


ada aku kisah? ini apa yang aku selalu kata. tidak... aku sebenarnya kisah... tapi bagi aku kalau sekadar nak bercakap je baik tak payah... huha sana sini.. dum dam dum dam.. tak tau apa yang diaorang ni dapat... penatlah baca newsfeed, baca berita... segan malu semua ada...

bukan apa... yang banyak berbunyik kat news feed FB tu semuanya yang hape hape tah...

contoh 1: Belajar tak bagus sangat pun, lupa masuk universiti atas hasil wujudnya kuota ... (walaupun masa aku belajar dulu kuota dah pun di mansuhkan... cuma mungkin tempat kerja aku je tak ubah lagi...) ... tapi hentam macam nak rak...

contoh 2: Dapat pinjaman buat bisnes ... belum apa apa dah habiskan pada hal hal peribadi.... business tak menjadi... kutuk pulak pasal interest dan orang kita tidak membantu orang kita... tapi kenyataannya .. ramai yang hendak membantu... tapi berniaga tak jujur dan ikhlas, bila jatuh .. apa lagi .. bunyi bunyi lagi...

contoh 3: duit bonus raya dan juga insentif peneroka, terlalu kecil... duduk kaunter fokus ada kat situ tak? jujur, senyum, sabar layan kerenah mereka yang berurusan? (ni bukan semua orang but sesetengah) .. yang jujur berkerja aku tak kisah pun diaorang nak bising.. they deserve to receive more... how about me yang tak dapat insentif ni.. tak de lah sampai nak mengamuk

ini baru tiga contoh, orang kita.... dan mereka juga yang sibuk nak cuci bersih segala bagai.... tapi segala nikmat yang diaorang nak mintak tarik balik tu dah 100% pun diaorang pakai....
ni baru satu study case dengan 3 probability

kenapa tak ada yang ingin bangkit masuk sendiri arena politik dan ubah segalanya.. apa tujuan caci mencaci ni? ... kiri susah , kanan pun susah... yang pasti untuk kes tiga atas ni kalau tak berjaya bukan salah kita ke? mana pergi usaha? ...

mungkin ini aku je.. tak complain sebab aku tau kegagalan aku dan kerjaya aku adalah salah aku, usaha tah apa apa perlu ke minta apa apa? fikir fikir-kan ... sebab aku yakin diaorang ni pandai.. siapa korang tanya... tengok newsfeed pun dah tau... "orang orang kita"




p.s Aku bensyukur dengan segala nikmat dan ketentuan yang telah Allah berikan pada aku. alhamdullilah, ada kerja, ada harapan, ada pandangan, ada hati dan ada perasaan.

Thursday, August 04, 2011

tak tau sampai bila

tak tau sampai bila nak rasa tertekan macam ni, entahlah... pura-pura je kowt aku ni... penuh pura pura.... boleh ke nak baiki apa yang telah retak....

aku tak ada semangat bergitu tinggi untuk percaya segala benda boleh diperbaiki macam tu je...

Beats by dr dre (solo)


after waiting for two freaking weeks i receive the head phone today (i blame tiong nam i just dont understand why they didnt use DHL or FEDex) ...
anyway view it here : http://www.beatsbydre.com/

Review: i will never look at other headphone again ... with very minimal volume setting from it fully perform its function. love it.. and i might become deaf if i didnt carefully use it... no just because some song are lower picthing but some are off the line... nice, love it... worth it :D

p.s i didnt buy it from local supplier but you can try choose and buy from here http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1399291

Monday, July 11, 2011

mencuri masa menulis warkah

untuk pertama sekali aku bersyukur ada kawan kawan yang memberi nasihat membina...

kedengaran bait bait doa untuk aku itu juga aku bersyukur (thanks dekat Indra dan Mozou)

setiap kali sujud bertemuNya di akhiri airmata yang tidak dapat aku fahami

"tak apa Allah nak elak dari musibah yang lagi besar"

tell the truth aku termakan kata kata ni baru kejap ni.. well I'm human

mungkin betul En.Hasyam kata aku kalah dengan ujian Kesenangan maka Allah beri aku ujian sebaliknya

banyak orang aku nak cakap thanks dekat.... Zaini, Zana , aweks2 PGR, Adham sekali,

of course kat kanda aku Ayie sekali

But harini aku nak semua orang tau.... aku nak minta maaf dekat Prof. Nazri dan Dr. Zawati.... maaf tak terhingga yang menyebabkan aku malu nak jumpa diaorang... terima kasih banyak banyak atas bantuan selama ini. (tak kuat untuk jumpa kedua duanya... tak tau ada kekuatan tak) ....

dan tak lupa juga nasihat dari abang abang aku ... Pit, Fazio dan Dell ... thanks abang abang for the advice, ideas and support... love you all (obviously this also include you Zuhar) ... and Ibu.... maafkan alish banyak susahkan Ibu... i don't ment to burden you .... terima kasih Ibu, Kasih ibu memang tiada tandingan.

thanks to Ayin too.. thanks for the opportunity and sorry for being incompetent.

untuk Ayie.... Terima Kasih untuk segalanya.... banyak benda yang awak mungkin tak faham kenapa tapi ... itu saya.

just in case i don't make it anywhere (yelah ajal maut ditangan Tuhan-kan).. stated name above ment a great deal for me. thanks + love you all...


BUT ABOVE ALL... Thanks ALLAH for your compassion, for rezeki you gave me, for guiding me, for being there for me, for giving me opportunity to have all of them with me... thank you for keeping me strong, keeping me coming back to you through my sadness and joy.... Thank you

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Serius sedih...

untuk kali pertamanya aku betul betul sedih bukan pasal cinta ke bukan pasal hal keluarga ke tapi hal kerjaya kegemaran aku...

ok fine... aku memang sedih and i dont want to elaborate...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

x10 mini pro celcom WAP MMS setting / tetapan


okay i know i been there.. no , no hiding (this people ah kedekut ilmu sangat wat pa i dunno)... ok firstly follow this ....

1st choice and the longest should be:

  1. Press the Home key (klik butang utama)
  2. Tap Settings (pilih tetapan)
  3. Tap Wireless controls (pilih wayarled & rangkaian)
  4. Tap Mobile networks (pilih rangkaian mudah alih)
  5. Tap Access Point Names (pilih nama titik akses)
  6. Press the Menu key (tekan butang utama)
  7. Tap New APN (pilih butang APN baru)
  8. and fill in according to (masukkan maklumat seperti dibawah):

Name/nama: Celcom 3G WAP
APN: celcom3g
Proxy/proksi: 010.128.001.242
Port: 8080
User Name/nama pengguna: leave it blank/biar kosong
Password/kata laluan: leave it blank/biar kosong
Serverpelayan/: leave it blank/biar kosong
MMSC: leave it blank/biar kosong
MMS proxy/proksi MMS: leave it blank/biar kosong
MMS port: leave it blank/ biar kosong
MCC: 502
MNC: 19
Authentication type/jenis pengesahan: tiada
APN type/jenis APN: default,supl

don't forget to click home key (jangan lupa klik butang utama pastu save la apa lagi)


untuk MMS sama je nama dia cam kat atas... boleh lah translate sendiri ok


Name: Celcom 3G MMS
APN: celcom3g
Proxy: leave it blank
Port: leave it blank
User Name: leave it blank
Password: leave it blank
Server: leave it blank
MMSC: http://mms.celcom.com.my
MMS proxy: 010.128.001.242
MMS port: 8080
MCC: 502
MNC: 19
Authentication type:
APN type: mms


2st choice and the shortest...

just open the existing APN and edit it/ bukak je APN sedia ada ubah suai maklumat yang ada seperti di atas...

there is no need of whatever froyo or use terminal emulator for this unless you such a geek ok....
toksah lah ngengada nak pakai froyo la bukak terminal la (untuk yg tak tau sapa rajin pakai os custom ni memang terminal lah mainan ada.. tag: ubuntu,centos,scientific linux) ko bukan gila gempak smart cam diaorang.. kita orang biasa kowt....

ok mungkin korang gila skempus (skema nak mampus) but... toksah la poyo sangat tulis kat web nasib baik aku terer aku leh selesaikannya.. tah paper diaorang nih =.="' gila pofoyorfor...

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

I'm the heartless freak

by the time i post jiwa kacau on my tweet of facebook.... came somebody with a bottle of coke and a bar of chocolate.... please don't make me sad.... . and i'm speechless .... damn collegue....


..... and i dream off miss gina... damn... erk... kena pound dekat otak... am in a middle of something here.... please forgive me.. esok call esok call

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Kosong + benda yang dah biasa aku hadapi

ahhh bersawang - bersawang.... tak sempat nak tulis pasal BBQ party kat umah.. tak sempat nak cerita pasal outing dengan kawan kawan.. just happy anak sedara lain nak balik... ramai ramai baru best...

semua benda dah tak terkejar..... so harini nak list pasal benda benda yang dah biasa aku hadapi

  1. kawan kawan salah faham dengan niat baik aku
  2. kena tipu dengan kawan kawan
  3. lelaki suka suka nak datang dan pergi dalam hidup aku
  4. kerja banyak tapi tak boleh focus akibat banyak sangat tanggung jawap pada keluarga dan lain lain
  5. masa tengah buat kek tiba tiba hilang focus maka jatuh (so tadi dah jatuhkan satu.. esok pagi baru buat balik.. nasib event tu esok petang....)
  6. rasa kosong akibat dari kelalaian diri sendiri terhadap tanggung jawap sebagai umat manuasia...
  7. gaji sentiasa habis sekelip mata akibat rasa tanggung jawap tinggi untuk bayar bill secepat mungkin....
  8. makan banyak banyak dan ditegur orang sebagai kuat makan
  9. gagal untuk diet akibat hasutan manusia di sekeliling
  10. kena marah dengan ibu sebab yang kecik je....
dah tak ada apa lagi nak list.... Selamat malam semua... dengan harapan deactivate FB dapat lebih focus pada twitter, foursquare dan blog... haha ... escape from 1 realm to feel homey in another realm... patting my back.. congrats alish hahahha (aku sengal)

Sunday, May 08, 2011

A little something when along the way

Wait for my next blogpost... (Finding free times)

The Last Episode : Farewell

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Lari.....

Rasa nak lari.... lari tanpa henti...... lari dari apa? aku pun tak tau...

bila sakit macam ni.... orang pertama yang aku ingat.... Arwah ayah aku....
Walid...
how can i be this way, making so many mistake thou he is not around...
goal aku tahun ni alhamdullilah, tercapai....
tak sangka rezeki aku bertahan disini...
tiada lain untuk ibu....
tak sangka aku jatuh cinta... dengan kerja aku...
lucu....
sem ni aku lebih baik mengatasi keadaan ...

tapi, persoalan aku...

macam mana nak dapat kasih yang tiada sempadan.... kenapa
aku rasa kasih walid jauh beza dari ibu.....
ye aku tau ibu sayang aku lebih dari segalanya.. dan aku di sini untuk ibu
tapi kenapa aku rasa dari setiap sudut kehilangan ayah aku....
kesilapankah? atau aku belum puas tunjukkankah?
atau sesalan yang tidak terhingga

lari .. dan terus belari.... aku cuma harap satu hari nanti ada kasih yang dapat tandingi kasih sayang yang walid beri pada aku...
kasih yang aku dapat rasa.... sayang yang aku dapat lihat dengan jelas
kasih sayang yang tiada mengharapkan balasan....

jahatkah aku untuk tidak terima kehilangan kasih sayang walid....
sayu rasa dihati....
hati tertutup untuk melihat kasih yang diberi...
aku redha... aku kata aku redha
.....
adakah ini alasan untuk membuat kesilapankah ?
atau alasan untuk melarikan diri dari ...
susah... payah... sedih...

entah... aku tak ada jawapan untuk itu....
benarkah tiada jawapan?
aku sahaja yang tahu... dan yang Esa
cuma Allah tempat aku bergantung...
mencari sebab. memohon kekuatan.....

bila demam je aku risau.... bila sakit je... aku makin rindu kat walid....
harini dah ambil satu set jawapan pelajar, lagi berapa hari ada satu set 20o pelajar lagi nak tanda....
belum mula dah sakit....

ditambah pula dengan ego tercalar

haih..... keh keh keh (operasi menghalau bermula)
menghalau perasaan pelik, menghalau ingatan pelik....

aku nak lari tanpa henti.... tapi siapa nak teman ibu kat sini ....
kalau aku boleh lari ... dah lama aku lari....

rindu adalah satu ungkapan yang aku tak boleh nak tafsirkan....
aku tau aku rindukan walid
tapi ada kekosongan di hati yang aku tak tau bagaimana aku harus atasi....

jujurkah aku?



I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

I live in my own little world. it's okay. they know me here

The Dinosaurs trip

so the plan was not really going on so well (basically it was my fault not to double confirm the bus schedule for double Decker tours.. end up spending time walking around which i like because i lose 1 kg to help me eat that much of nedeje and nyonya food, and lepaking at bistros)
..... there is a lot place we fail to drop in

but i get to test Eky's DSLR and i want to own a cams... nope... not DSLR .. just a camera (don't think i can afford DSLR thou). ahaks nice eh to have a camera ... damn pergi cuti no camera :(



and elect myself to be a model (sebenarnya because i don't have camera so i pose and ask people to snap my picture)



glad to have all of them here. and thanks for coming.... (shits my personality colors are still red...)

i end up buying nothing because my plan after hi-tea is back to jonker street to buy gifts but i lost my interest and once i reach sempadan johor-melaka... i regret my decision not to follow my initial plan staying another day alone in Malacca.

the food is superb.. i will form my owh kaki's to join me for one day trip to melaka. fuhh... sudden rush wanna visit penang too... just wish that i have a traveling partner... i like to drive alone... but once arrive... i need to have someone to share my experience with

dim sum yum yum(mana halal weih :( ... but the smell was so nice ...)

the peeps


The Video:
thanks to Aimin and am waiting for the second part :D


p.s : .... about the accident.... will not elaborate on it.... will get my car back soon... yey but... will have spot on it still... not going to spray it thou :D.... just glad that i will get it back soon... that's all.. am okay.. thanks for those who are concern about me... i still felt bad.... and i can't write the reason.... just that the only thing i disagree with all this is , how come i didn't do what i would normally do... "balai cerita"... no... i didn't manage to drag it (aimin tell me it is better that way so we still can enjoy the holiday... but all i think was my mum back at home and rui yik)... settled + thanks but still felt bad about it....... :(

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

SSC- Start Stop Continue


morning everyone... have a nice day and as promise am trying to ponder upon my SSC

Start:
  • Having fun more off hours instead of kerja and home
  • Reading up more - computer science stuff, mechanical stuff, self improvement
  • layout a new plan
  • listen more
  • removing friends that you feel most annoyed in FB list.. FB is just a social network... if you don't like to see those comment, advice or status than remove, so you can understand and learn them better without being prejudice over words
  • helping people who in need the most


Stop:
  • Being childish
  • Being judgmental (especially to people who try so hard to get attention and being snob or brag about everything.)
  • Advising (by using example, story)
  • making excuses to delay solving your emotional conflicts (loving the wrong person is not a reason).... try to accept people who are already there for you....
  • making more enemy or at least try not to make anymore
  • feeling hatred and betrayed by people around you (Especially new friends)
  • being easy to be taken advantage or mistook as
  • reading certain pelik stats and commenting it as if you pandai in that matters (contoh: ah kenapa berat badan naik ni-- haha ko pon sama je alish ..)
  • stocking up pantry and try to use the existing canned or bottle what ever
  • being so nice to teach/ answers students questions and assignment problems off hours...

Continue:
  • Helping around mom more
  • learning to improve you tutoring skills
  • isolating myself (not keeping but choosing to who an whom)
  • understand that people will not try to understand you
  • don't hope that others will mengalah for you or all the time fr you
  • Jogging at least once a month (ah malasnya need to be fit, need to be fit, berjalan pun tak mau =.="''' parking jauh sikit la macam biasa... dah semput)
  • try to be truthful to self and everyone
  • saving in ASB at-least 20 ringgit a month
should list more if it cross over my mind later. and re-evaluate, be more precise and realizing it.

++++++++++++Confuse +++++++++++++++++

  • stop/continue telling people i am gay / bisexual as a reason why i am not married
  • stop/continue hitting people for real when they make a mistake... sarah sila dengar cakap ti-ish pukol kang
  • stop/continue eating too much
  • stop/continue making my monthly budget... lari je debit and credit ni.. haih
  • stop/continue agreeing to go for shopping windows.... ko tu malas jalan...
  • stop/continue giving people weird nickname, jc, jb,jm

Monday, April 25, 2011

Light reading of the day

somewhat agreed by this article ...


(for some people: this is not for Christians only... we learn anywhere but learn to understand which one to pick.... )

  1. it is often our attitude when someone differs from us
  2. ‘The appeaser does more harm than the opposer.’
  3. The man who will not face problems is the church’s biggest enemy.
  4. I often pray for courage to be like the first man. I have no trouble at all being a ‘nice guy’, but nice guys don’t move men toward God. Nice guys don’t leave behind them a trail of men and women who testify to have seen and felt the power of another world because they saw a living example. No, nice guys leave behind a lot of people who gladly acknowledge, ‘He was a swell fellow.’ I think we should be so wedded to the truth of God’s Word that people will not remember our niceness but our God and truth. Let them even call us stubborn if they want to, but let us so cleave to the truth in doctrine and practice that they are forced to think about God and eternity.
nice set of example... am doing SSC (Start Stop Continue evaluation )soon... wait and i will show you how

SWOT: alish 1st term 2011 evaluation


Strength:
Firm decision
loving my current work
Truthful than previous years
Work XP
self discipline
Fit
not too old (yeah :P)
forgiving


Weakness:
Still a little pending -work, study matters
Busy Body/ Concern for a wrong reason
bad interpretation
bad influence
choosing companion
Internet
bad experience


Opportunity:
yoUTeeeM dk
yoUTeeHasheM
bukit


Threat:
Internet
Emotional
Health
Work Contract
Gossip
F...
myself?

tiba tiba malas nak truthful hahaha :P

anyway... the evaluation is just a draft.. i need to do it tonight... i already listen a few comment from others.. list it up few stuff and suggestion from friends, families, employers, personal evaluation is a must.... list more tonight but not herelah obviously
i just need to think through few more things: am so stubborn to change sometimes... but the bad thing was.... most of my friend thing that am too weak and should be more selfish.. so 1/3 friends might already hate me or my groove.. if i do that than tak sia sia lah i stray myself away from people these days... i know i been saying this for quite a few years.. that i wanted to be alone.... i still think there is time for something but most time it is just for family... and i do realize that am hurting people, provoking people sometimes, and with that i back myself up why i only turn up for few events only.... besides.. most of my friends were married... malas nak mingle sangat... segan bukan pasal tak kawin lagi.... am not jealous or what ever but i just refuse to answer alot of question..

and i do realize to .. for a woman of my age... am a little more than behind other people in Life, Love, Work, DLL... so SWOT and change for the better InsyaAllah