Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Almost 2011

Dear Allah,

i just hope that next year will treated me well...

i just want to have stable future, best of luck with my plan...

i want love.... yes love... to be with someone...... i wanted to be happy... and no more i have to be this confuse and just lost in my own spaces ....

hopefully i can cover mom expenditure more soon.. .... i wanted to be available for my mum more...

please help me be something and be someone for my mum... for some one i love... for everyone

p.s to those who came accross this post ...the best of luck for you next year ~amin~

Doubt is the begining of .....

minggu ni dah dua cerita yang lebih kurang aku dengar.... bercinta/bersama dah lama... datang yang baru jadi pengganti padahal yang lama ok tak ada buat kesilapan cuma sedikit kekurangan dan the so called angel mengisi ruang dan rupanya ... kebahagiaan sementara....

"Ya Allah percepatkanlah dan permudahkanlah jodohku ... yang terbaik untukku... yang boleh membimbingku, melindungiku dan bahagiakan aku sehingga akhir hayatku"

which all this remind me of the movie devil ..... yup i know i am to influenced by TV and movie anyway... more like most of it make sense to my sense.... so when does devil come... when there is suicide.... and what comes next is.... DOUBT..... the devil make you believe on your doubt and trick you to believe on what you suppose to do next..... but as a slanderer it is normal for them to divert you away from the best things sets for your life..... and drag you closer to hell..... if you failed to be truthful and the devil wins the game. basically almost similar to relationship and other things in our life......

|A real man doesn't love a million girls,he loves one girl in million ways|

Sunday, December 26, 2010

What I've learn: LOVE, sympathy and empathy

my brother tell me: never mix empathy and sympathy in a relationship... because receiving love and giving one is heavy enough.... this emptiness i felt was created by myself... i choose it to be that way.... Redha... redha... redha and pasrah.... i am trying very hard to redha with what ever happened in my life... I thank ALLAH for his kindness to lend me this feeling for me... i was happy this few month... that is all i am saying.. i am praying hard to keep it that way....

but lend also means that, whenever he decide to take back what HE gave you is oblivious.... i am trying to stay strong... I've made a promise not to cry... and i was deeply reminded by my brother about sympathy and empathy.

yesterday was not a great day.... so does the other day in this week...

i seek answers only from HIM...

we learn something everyday... and i learn that happiness is beyond our control..... we can plan 100bunch of things but realization is by ALLAH willing.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

張棟樑 - 我真的以為 + lyrics and tranlation

:D karma plays it parts for me.. i use to be the girl now i understand how to be in the others shoes.

ni zai wo shen bian bu zai pa hei
Having me beside u, u r not afraid of the dark anymore

mei ge wan shang shui de tian mei
you can sleep sweetly every night

duo nuan mei ni que bu shi wo de shui
So warm, yet ignoring you are not my anybody/somebody

wo zai ni mian qian bian de qian bei
In front of you, I become modest

bu gan yao qiu ni de yi dian hui kui
I don't have the courage to ask you for a little something in return

dan xin zhe zhong wan mei shun jian ku wei
Afraid that this kind of happiness will wither in an instance

wo zhen de yi wei ai ni shuang bei
I really think, loving u is double

过去就会倒退 但它迟早都会一夜珍贵
guo qu jiu hui dao tui dan ta chi zao de hui yi ye zhen gui
Over there I would have fallen back, but in the end love is still a night of precious

ni de fang jian li can liu ta de qi wei
In ur room, remains his smell

shuo yi wang que bu gan cui
So u can't simply forget him

wo zhen de yi wei ai hui shuang bei
I really think, loving can be double

wei lai bu guan cuo dui
Don't care the future is right or wrong

dan ni shuo ai wo que bu gou jue dui
But you said loving me cannot be absolute enough

还会想见他 却还要我跟随
hai hui xiang jian ta que hai yao wo gen sui
You still want to meet him, yet still want me to be with u

gao su wo ai zen neng zhe yang de fen pei
Tell me, how can love be that distributive

張棟樑 - 北極星的眼淚 KTV + lyrics and translation

像断了线 消失人海里面
Xiang duan le xian xiao shi ren hai li mian
Like a broken piece of string that has disappeared in a sea of people

我的眼终于失去 你的脸
Wo de yan zhong yu shi qu ni de lian
My eyes have finally lost sight of your face

再等一会 奢望流星会出现
Zai deng yi hui she wang liu xing hui chu xian
Just wait a while desperately waiting for a shooting star to appear

愿 如果真的实现
Yuan ru guo zhen de shi xian
If wishes really do come true

Ai neng bu neng yong yuan
Can love really be forever?

明天 或许来不及变
Ming tian huo xu lai bu ji bian
Tomorrow's change may come too late

但曾经走过的昨天 越来越远
Dan ceng jing zou guo de zuo tian yue lai yue yuan
But the memories of our shared history grows dimmer by the day

* 北极星的眼泪 说不出的想念
* bei ji xing de yan lei shuo bu chu de xiang nian
* Tears from Polaris, thoughts that are unspoken

原来我们活在 两个世界
Yuan lai wo men huo zai liang ge shi jie
For we live two separate worlds apart

北极星的眼泪 你哭红的双眼
Bei ji xing de yan lei ni ku hong de shuang yan
Tears of Polaris, your eyes are red from crying

被淋湿的诺言 淹没在心里面
Bei ling shi de nuo yan yan mo zai xin li mian
Drenched promises are submerged in my heart

我抬头看着 爱不见
Wo tai tou kan zhe ai bu jian
I raise my head and find that the love has gone

再等一会 奢望流星会出现
Zai deng yi hui she wang liu xing hui chu xian
Wait a while and a shooting star shall appear

愿 如果真的实现
Yuan ru guo zhen de shi xian
If wishes really do come true

Ai neng bu neng yong yuan
Can love really be forever?

明天 或许来不及变
Ming tian huo xu lai bu ji bian
Tomorrow's change may come too late

但曾经走过的昨天 越来越远
Dan ceng jing zou guo de zuo tian yue lai yue yuan
But the memories of our shared history grows dimmer by the day

Repeat *

当对的人 等不到对的时间
Dang dui de ren deng bu dao dui de shi jian
With the right person yet cannot find the right time

就在放开手的瞬间 爱撕成两边
Jiu zai fang kai shou de shun jian, ai si cheng liang bian
In the instant when our hands separate, the love that we share is torn in two

Repeat *

整个宇宙都 流眼泪
Zheng ge yu zhou dou liu yan lei
The whole universe is shedding tears

wow tak sangka

wow can't believe all this test serve for me... more bad news by day.. the only good news I've heard so far is my nephew and niece PMR result.. Congrats to them..

i start to think that maybe the fate just not there for me yet.....

and the moment i said i am ready to make changes and decision in my life is the moment to realize that
... wait ...hold on.. yes... you see it.... no .. you do it again.... happiness is all i ask .... and able to support ibu is my priority.. i didn't ask much.. just a bliss and blessed from up above... yet 2 years has pass... and i am still here... being here.... standing here with no ability to jumpstart a new sets of confident.. i was drifted away by my narrow thoughts .... and a set of bad news everyday....

season to laugh.... the only thing that make me happy this pass 3 month even back-stabs me in my dream... to saw you.... to see that moment...was the hardest things in my life.. thou dreams is just a dreams.. and changes of the way you spoke to me fairly complicate things... i hope my mind was playing me... but my heart tells me i have no chance to even achieve all of my hope and dreams... not sure why am i laughing.. who am i fooling....? me? them? you? him? i am not sure...

Christmas the season of joy... more like season of sorrow for me...... Thanksgiving and Christmas remind me of my dad... I misses him so much and all his joke... his call on the eve.... yelah raya mana nak buat macam tu.. because i was at home the whole time....

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

please recover soon...

the first person come to my mind if am down with any type of sickness is my late dad... okay so label me manja or what ever you want but that's the truth.. most of the time he will be the one attended me and stay next to me.. so the time has come ... i just recover from fever 2 days ago and suddenly am sick again ah my migraine getting worst by day..... hopefully i recover soon.. normally this will last a month ++ and i dont think i can hang on with this... haih cepat cepat baik huhuhu... 100plus check, vit c check, an apple a day just a bullshit... recover soon alish .. gambatte....

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Faizal Tahir - Hanyut Akustik (HIGH QUALITY)

owh tidakkkkk .. sapa suruh ED bubuh lagi ni kat FB dia.. semua salah hg na.... siap ar che mai pju5 hg lanja ....bengong sekarang aku lak sangkut.....

Harus bagaimana lagi
Dan terus begini
Dengarkan aku
Lihat ke mataku

Cukup sudah kau menghukum
Salahku tetap salahku
Benarkan ku berbicara
Agar bisa pulih semua

Namun harus sampai bila
Kau kan diam seribu bahasa

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Fahamilah ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Saat mata terpejam
Hanya kau ku terbayang
Menghapus semua segala rasa di jiwaku

Saat mata terbuka
Kamulah yang pertama
Tak mampu aku

Hidup tanpa dirimu

Repeat Chorus

Aku memang bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Dan tapi dah ku sedari
Segala perit kau lalui
Ku terlupa kau terluka

Dan memang selalu
Aku bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Meninggalkan mu
Dan tetapi itulah aku sedari
Segala perit yang kau lalui
Kerna diriku yang terus hanyut

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila kau tak di sisi
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Incubus i miss you (acoustic)

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.
I need a vacay... and i miss him so much.... seriously am not sure anymore.... seriously i have enough trouble in my pocket.... seriously i hope... he will see through me... hopefully luck will be next to me.... my heart beating so fast.... i just want to wake up and reset everything in my head... keeping it positive... keep it cool.... keep my sanity with me.... urgh i hate myself for this....

Friday, December 17, 2010

Whining biatch

Okay i admit whining is my nature.. but first of all i felt really agitated by this one 'friend' well , you just have to understand one thing.. ya okay, we good at being crazy the whole time.. but cant you notice? people stop sharing personal things with you? just because you tend to tell others about it.... okay so you said you don't care (like in those small notes for me) and you have tons of friend and what you did is when you with us... you start talking about others personal stuff ...where i suppose only your shrew know about it.... not us... but after few event where people are surprise to know that now everybody know about things that are suppose to be between the mates and... happen to be you are the only 'outsiders-not so thou'.... and obviously... we are human.... we suppose to say it was you besides can it be other coincident only when you are around things aren't secret anymore.... so you loud... and i don't hate you.... just that i trust people so much i just tell everything to everybody i trust..... and i talk too much especially wrong situation, occasion and timing.. so i decide each time i met somebody like you i just shut it... it is better for me to keep quiet ... if you miss understood me as i don't want to be your friend or i pushed you away its okay.... for me i will only be loud if the thing is not important and aren't personal with you.. other than that.. ehem... yup am a silent biatch ... so SORRY okay.. mistook me all you want...

okay so i tell Defy 1/4 of what do i think about our long distant and pretty confuse relationship... yup thanks to me! now it is more difficult than yesterday.... arghhh what have i done.... owh i shouldn't have .. dammit... huh pray harder, pray harder... Ya ALLAH give me light give me strength please please please.... tak puas pening kerja, relationship pun nak kusut gak.. dammit.. i think i am lucky that defy dont even bother to read my status update.. buzz or blogs... kalau tak mesti saat ni dah call .. tanya kenapa.. adeh.... never imagine it is this difficult to convey it.. haih... whatlah alish by this time kawan kawan ko sibuk dengan anak ko baru sibuk nak memilih ke.. yup i gave my self 5 more years to settle down.. lepas tu give up for real.. yup 5 years starting yesterday... 10muharram senang nak kira...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Yes, Maybe, I've made a mistake

feeling like being stab for a second... realization is hurtful... i am okay.... i am okay... focus alish focus.... shits ... i hate my own reflection .... ugly... yup ugly bitch.... "hati kotor.... sangat" ... maybe i am negative.... but no i know myself better... it is my fault.... i've should have seen this coming...

hoh.. susah sangat ke nak bahagia ni.... after what i've been through... am not a selfish bitch.. or should i become one... huh pepagi dah kusut... routine vacumm rumah secara extreme pun tak boleh bantu.... haih pagi ni confuse gila...... gelak je.. psycho kot dah :D apa pun who ever read this > tu pun kalau ada.. wish for my happiness and luck ++++++ hoyes

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Zetsubou- Masalah yang bukan masalah

so I am heartbroken when i can't be myself... i was heartbroken when i was ask to slim down... or wear make up or i need to wear something which I'm not...... it make me feels ugly all of sudden.... but if i say who am i saying NO to is rather harder than accepting the fact that i was not perfect enough.... i face a new sad chapter.. apparently my luck run out on me even for my job.... but i was heartbroken even more when Ibu reminded me to married somebody who willing to take care of me rather than marrying somebody who i loved....or get the job which require no certification.... it is hard to felt this way... it is hard to know you have so many option but you cant take it..... and those job offers .... batu pahat is no go for me... but i cant complain .... i choose to stay here because of Ibu.... and because i know her deeply... i have to let go most of the option i have.... well seems like running to prep for new job was hopeless.... it is official now it is not for me..... i badly want that job...i even ask help to proxy and finalize my application last month from an old friend to my lecturer.... haih what the.... la

but what am i feeling now are far more worst... it kinda funny thou.... i was strong enough not to cry before this but... recently even a single line burst me into tears..... hurm the pretenders chapter in my life left me into despair... i was lucky that i was given chance to be my self again... what more could i ask.... chances..... chances to be myself... chances to choose my future... chances to be with someone i love.... chances to get that job... chances to do more things in my life.. chances to travel.. chances to be happy with less needing to pleased everybody... chance to please myself.. chances... well that list aint gonna be short .... chances is all i'll ask.... would i have it? will i get it? soon i wish... but can i? or will i? zetsubou

Monday, December 13, 2010

Katy Perry -Thinking of you

well i have no more stuff to share just that... i wanted to share this 2 video of katy perry long time ago...

so 1st Thinking of you version is i think acceptable here in Malaysia .... but sorry you can just peek it.. i am not sure why this version is hardly available in youtube.. either it was cut of.. delayed

And this is the 2nd version- better ... okay ...i like this one better just because of the scene... when she wear white is when she is with the person she love and the black dress is vice verse... and when she hold the bloody knife symbolize how she back stab her lover..... hurm... she looks nice thou... just like her fireworks vids

The Lyrics

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

p.s not sure why all of them delayed thou.. hurm

Friday, December 03, 2010

The Rakyat Mindset: petrol price hike and 50% for summons

In the news paper: Discount for traffic offenders
In the news paper: Petrol and sugar

and some of the respond we can get from FB news feedsWell for me if you don't want to pay and or as the person up here don't want to contribute on next election than just don't break the laws and hello tons off public transportation or at least as a guy ... there is a motorcycle for you to ride and yup go around.... you can use car for family outing reason

at the same time cut your carbon footprint and hell yes.... these people are so funny i think i want to puke at...well for me am lucky am sticking with my kancil no matter what the others said... :D

i proudly kena tahan 2 times because of my speed limit is kmh 121 and when i was stopped to recieve the tickets... i said "okay samanlah"... because i know it is my fault and guess what both tickets is not in the system until now... 2 years checking for the ticket... it is just not there.... no need rasuah and yes no money for next election.... guess what there is tons of other taxes you have to pay as well... hurm kinda boring don't you think.. reading all this sort of things... i don't think i need to post few more example of this... just go to NTV7 and brag your ideology at "hak pengguna" that might have effect rather than fbpost :D

owh and i was lucky i don't use white sugar.... and i dislike to consume things that are to sweet..... besides do you know that white sugar is bleached(okay i might been exaggerated ...it is just sulfur dioxide bleaching).... i prefer brown and other type of sugar... better on the taste because of molasses flavor and healthier...

mmm am just bord so i commented this because i think that other people are too keen on politics and failed to really think on what we can contribute :D.. as i said i don't agree in all the price hike but... i think carbon footprint and health are far more important... maybe you can cut down some for your future :D

and later midnight more people fighting hahaha in fb