Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Almost 2011

Dear Allah,

i just hope that next year will treated me well...

i just want to have stable future, best of luck with my plan...

i want love.... yes love... to be with someone...... i wanted to be happy... and no more i have to be this confuse and just lost in my own spaces ....

hopefully i can cover mom expenditure more soon.. .... i wanted to be available for my mum more...

please help me be something and be someone for my mum... for some one i love... for everyone

p.s to those who came accross this post ...the best of luck for you next year ~amin~

Doubt is the begining of .....

minggu ni dah dua cerita yang lebih kurang aku dengar.... bercinta/bersama dah lama... datang yang baru jadi pengganti padahal yang lama ok tak ada buat kesilapan cuma sedikit kekurangan dan the so called angel mengisi ruang dan rupanya ... kebahagiaan sementara....

"Ya Allah percepatkanlah dan permudahkanlah jodohku ... yang terbaik untukku... yang boleh membimbingku, melindungiku dan bahagiakan aku sehingga akhir hayatku"

which all this remind me of the movie devil ..... yup i know i am to influenced by TV and movie anyway... more like most of it make sense to my sense.... so when does devil come... when there is suicide.... and what comes next is.... DOUBT..... the devil make you believe on your doubt and trick you to believe on what you suppose to do next..... but as a slanderer it is normal for them to divert you away from the best things sets for your life..... and drag you closer to hell..... if you failed to be truthful and the devil wins the game. basically almost similar to relationship and other things in our life......

|A real man doesn't love a million girls,he loves one girl in million ways|

Sunday, December 26, 2010

What I've learn: LOVE, sympathy and empathy

my brother tell me: never mix empathy and sympathy in a relationship... because receiving love and giving one is heavy enough.... this emptiness i felt was created by myself... i choose it to be that way.... Redha... redha... redha and pasrah.... i am trying very hard to redha with what ever happened in my life... I thank ALLAH for his kindness to lend me this feeling for me... i was happy this few month... that is all i am saying.. i am praying hard to keep it that way....

but lend also means that, whenever he decide to take back what HE gave you is oblivious.... i am trying to stay strong... I've made a promise not to cry... and i was deeply reminded by my brother about sympathy and empathy.

yesterday was not a great day.... so does the other day in this week...

i seek answers only from HIM...

we learn something everyday... and i learn that happiness is beyond our control..... we can plan 100bunch of things but realization is by ALLAH willing.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

張棟樑 - 我真的以為 + lyrics and tranlation

:D karma plays it parts for me.. i use to be the girl now i understand how to be in the others shoes.

ni zai wo shen bian bu zai pa hei
Having me beside u, u r not afraid of the dark anymore

mei ge wan shang shui de tian mei
you can sleep sweetly every night

duo nuan mei ni que bu shi wo de shui
So warm, yet ignoring you are not my anybody/somebody

wo zai ni mian qian bian de qian bei
In front of you, I become modest

bu gan yao qiu ni de yi dian hui kui
I don't have the courage to ask you for a little something in return

dan xin zhe zhong wan mei shun jian ku wei
Afraid that this kind of happiness will wither in an instance

wo zhen de yi wei ai ni shuang bei
I really think, loving u is double

过去就会倒退 但它迟早都会一夜珍贵
guo qu jiu hui dao tui dan ta chi zao de hui yi ye zhen gui
Over there I would have fallen back, but in the end love is still a night of precious

ni de fang jian li can liu ta de qi wei
In ur room, remains his smell

shuo yi wang que bu gan cui
So u can't simply forget him

wo zhen de yi wei ai hui shuang bei
I really think, loving can be double

wei lai bu guan cuo dui
Don't care the future is right or wrong

dan ni shuo ai wo que bu gou jue dui
But you said loving me cannot be absolute enough

还会想见他 却还要我跟随
hai hui xiang jian ta que hai yao wo gen sui
You still want to meet him, yet still want me to be with u

gao su wo ai zen neng zhe yang de fen pei
Tell me, how can love be that distributive

張棟樑 - 北極星的眼淚 KTV + lyrics and translation

像断了线 消失人海里面
Xiang duan le xian xiao shi ren hai li mian
Like a broken piece of string that has disappeared in a sea of people

我的眼终于失去 你的脸
Wo de yan zhong yu shi qu ni de lian
My eyes have finally lost sight of your face

再等一会 奢望流星会出现
Zai deng yi hui she wang liu xing hui chu xian
Just wait a while desperately waiting for a shooting star to appear

愿 如果真的实现
Yuan ru guo zhen de shi xian
If wishes really do come true

Ai neng bu neng yong yuan
Can love really be forever?

明天 或许来不及变
Ming tian huo xu lai bu ji bian
Tomorrow's change may come too late

但曾经走过的昨天 越来越远
Dan ceng jing zou guo de zuo tian yue lai yue yuan
But the memories of our shared history grows dimmer by the day

* 北极星的眼泪 说不出的想念
* bei ji xing de yan lei shuo bu chu de xiang nian
* Tears from Polaris, thoughts that are unspoken

原来我们活在 两个世界
Yuan lai wo men huo zai liang ge shi jie
For we live two separate worlds apart

北极星的眼泪 你哭红的双眼
Bei ji xing de yan lei ni ku hong de shuang yan
Tears of Polaris, your eyes are red from crying

被淋湿的诺言 淹没在心里面
Bei ling shi de nuo yan yan mo zai xin li mian
Drenched promises are submerged in my heart

我抬头看着 爱不见
Wo tai tou kan zhe ai bu jian
I raise my head and find that the love has gone

再等一会 奢望流星会出现
Zai deng yi hui she wang liu xing hui chu xian
Wait a while and a shooting star shall appear

愿 如果真的实现
Yuan ru guo zhen de shi xian
If wishes really do come true

Ai neng bu neng yong yuan
Can love really be forever?

明天 或许来不及变
Ming tian huo xu lai bu ji bian
Tomorrow's change may come too late

但曾经走过的昨天 越来越远
Dan ceng jing zou guo de zuo tian yue lai yue yuan
But the memories of our shared history grows dimmer by the day

Repeat *

当对的人 等不到对的时间
Dang dui de ren deng bu dao dui de shi jian
With the right person yet cannot find the right time

就在放开手的瞬间 爱撕成两边
Jiu zai fang kai shou de shun jian, ai si cheng liang bian
In the instant when our hands separate, the love that we share is torn in two

Repeat *

整个宇宙都 流眼泪
Zheng ge yu zhou dou liu yan lei
The whole universe is shedding tears

wow tak sangka

wow can't believe all this test serve for me... more bad news by day.. the only good news I've heard so far is my nephew and niece PMR result.. Congrats to them..

i start to think that maybe the fate just not there for me yet.....

and the moment i said i am ready to make changes and decision in my life is the moment to realize that
... wait ...hold on.. yes... you see it.... no .. you do it again.... happiness is all i ask .... and able to support ibu is my priority.. i didn't ask much.. just a bliss and blessed from up above... yet 2 years has pass... and i am still here... being here.... standing here with no ability to jumpstart a new sets of confident.. i was drifted away by my narrow thoughts .... and a set of bad news everyday....

season to laugh.... the only thing that make me happy this pass 3 month even back-stabs me in my dream... to saw you.... to see that moment...was the hardest things in my life.. thou dreams is just a dreams.. and changes of the way you spoke to me fairly complicate things... i hope my mind was playing me... but my heart tells me i have no chance to even achieve all of my hope and dreams... not sure why am i laughing.. who am i fooling....? me? them? you? him? i am not sure...

Christmas the season of joy... more like season of sorrow for me...... Thanksgiving and Christmas remind me of my dad... I misses him so much and all his joke... his call on the eve.... yelah raya mana nak buat macam tu.. because i was at home the whole time....

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

please recover soon...

the first person come to my mind if am down with any type of sickness is my late dad... okay so label me manja or what ever you want but that's the truth.. most of the time he will be the one attended me and stay next to me.. so the time has come ... i just recover from fever 2 days ago and suddenly am sick again ah my migraine getting worst by day..... hopefully i recover soon.. normally this will last a month ++ and i dont think i can hang on with this... haih cepat cepat baik huhuhu... 100plus check, vit c check, an apple a day just a bullshit... recover soon alish .. gambatte....

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Faizal Tahir - Hanyut Akustik (HIGH QUALITY)

owh tidakkkkk .. sapa suruh ED bubuh lagi ni kat FB dia.. semua salah hg na.... siap ar che mai pju5 hg lanja ....bengong sekarang aku lak sangkut.....

Harus bagaimana lagi
Dan terus begini
Dengarkan aku
Lihat ke mataku

Cukup sudah kau menghukum
Salahku tetap salahku
Benarkan ku berbicara
Agar bisa pulih semua

Namun harus sampai bila
Kau kan diam seribu bahasa

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Fahamilah ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Saat mata terpejam
Hanya kau ku terbayang
Menghapus semua segala rasa di jiwaku

Saat mata terbuka
Kamulah yang pertama
Tak mampu aku

Hidup tanpa dirimu

Repeat Chorus

Aku memang bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Dan tapi dah ku sedari
Segala perit kau lalui
Ku terlupa kau terluka

Dan memang selalu
Aku bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Meninggalkan mu
Dan tetapi itulah aku sedari
Segala perit yang kau lalui
Kerna diriku yang terus hanyut

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila kau tak di sisi
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Incubus i miss you (acoustic)

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.
I need a vacay... and i miss him so much.... seriously am not sure anymore.... seriously i have enough trouble in my pocket.... seriously i hope... he will see through me... hopefully luck will be next to me.... my heart beating so fast.... i just want to wake up and reset everything in my head... keeping it positive... keep it cool.... keep my sanity with me.... urgh i hate myself for this....

Friday, December 17, 2010

Whining biatch

Okay i admit whining is my nature.. but first of all i felt really agitated by this one 'friend' well , you just have to understand one thing.. ya okay, we good at being crazy the whole time.. but cant you notice? people stop sharing personal things with you? just because you tend to tell others about it.... okay so you said you don't care (like in those small notes for me) and you have tons of friend and what you did is when you with us... you start talking about others personal stuff ...where i suppose only your shrew know about it.... not us... but after few event where people are surprise to know that now everybody know about things that are suppose to be between the mates and... happen to be you are the only 'outsiders-not so thou'.... and obviously... we are human.... we suppose to say it was you besides can it be other coincident only when you are around things aren't secret anymore.... so you loud... and i don't hate you.... just that i trust people so much i just tell everything to everybody i trust..... and i talk too much especially wrong situation, occasion and timing.. so i decide each time i met somebody like you i just shut it... it is better for me to keep quiet ... if you miss understood me as i don't want to be your friend or i pushed you away its okay.... for me i will only be loud if the thing is not important and aren't personal with you.. other than that.. ehem... yup am a silent biatch ... so SORRY okay.. mistook me all you want...

okay so i tell Defy 1/4 of what do i think about our long distant and pretty confuse relationship... yup thanks to me! now it is more difficult than yesterday.... arghhh what have i done.... owh i shouldn't have .. dammit... huh pray harder, pray harder... Ya ALLAH give me light give me strength please please please.... tak puas pening kerja, relationship pun nak kusut gak.. dammit.. i think i am lucky that defy dont even bother to read my status update.. buzz or blogs... kalau tak mesti saat ni dah call .. tanya kenapa.. adeh.... never imagine it is this difficult to convey it.. haih... whatlah alish by this time kawan kawan ko sibuk dengan anak ko baru sibuk nak memilih ke.. yup i gave my self 5 more years to settle down.. lepas tu give up for real.. yup 5 years starting yesterday... 10muharram senang nak kira...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Yes, Maybe, I've made a mistake

feeling like being stab for a second... realization is hurtful... i am okay.... i am okay... focus alish focus.... shits ... i hate my own reflection .... ugly... yup ugly bitch.... "hati kotor.... sangat" ... maybe i am negative.... but no i know myself better... it is my fault.... i've should have seen this coming...

hoh.. susah sangat ke nak bahagia ni.... after what i've been through... am not a selfish bitch.. or should i become one... huh pepagi dah kusut... routine vacumm rumah secara extreme pun tak boleh bantu.... haih pagi ni confuse gila...... gelak je.. psycho kot dah :D apa pun who ever read this > tu pun kalau ada.. wish for my happiness and luck ++++++ hoyes

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Zetsubou- Masalah yang bukan masalah

so I am heartbroken when i can't be myself... i was heartbroken when i was ask to slim down... or wear make up or i need to wear something which I'm not...... it make me feels ugly all of sudden.... but if i say who am i saying NO to is rather harder than accepting the fact that i was not perfect enough.... i face a new sad chapter.. apparently my luck run out on me even for my job.... but i was heartbroken even more when Ibu reminded me to married somebody who willing to take care of me rather than marrying somebody who i loved....or get the job which require no certification.... it is hard to felt this way... it is hard to know you have so many option but you cant take it..... and those job offers .... batu pahat is no go for me... but i cant complain .... i choose to stay here because of Ibu.... and because i know her deeply... i have to let go most of the option i have.... well seems like running to prep for new job was hopeless.... it is official now it is not for me..... i badly want that job...i even ask help to proxy and finalize my application last month from an old friend to my lecturer.... haih what the.... la

but what am i feeling now are far more worst... it kinda funny thou.... i was strong enough not to cry before this but... recently even a single line burst me into tears..... hurm the pretenders chapter in my life left me into despair... i was lucky that i was given chance to be my self again... what more could i ask.... chances..... chances to be myself... chances to choose my future... chances to be with someone i love.... chances to get that job... chances to do more things in my life.. chances to travel.. chances to be happy with less needing to pleased everybody... chance to please myself.. chances... well that list aint gonna be short .... chances is all i'll ask.... would i have it? will i get it? soon i wish... but can i? or will i? zetsubou

Monday, December 13, 2010

Katy Perry -Thinking of you

well i have no more stuff to share just that... i wanted to share this 2 video of katy perry long time ago...

so 1st Thinking of you version is i think acceptable here in Malaysia .... but sorry you can just peek it.. i am not sure why this version is hardly available in youtube.. either it was cut of.. delayed

And this is the 2nd version- better ... okay ...i like this one better just because of the scene... when she wear white is when she is with the person she love and the black dress is vice verse... and when she hold the bloody knife symbolize how she back stab her lover..... hurm... she looks nice thou... just like her fireworks vids

The Lyrics

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

p.s not sure why all of them delayed thou.. hurm

Friday, December 03, 2010

The Rakyat Mindset: petrol price hike and 50% for summons

In the news paper: Discount for traffic offenders
In the news paper: Petrol and sugar

and some of the respond we can get from FB news feedsWell for me if you don't want to pay and or as the person up here don't want to contribute on next election than just don't break the laws and hello tons off public transportation or at least as a guy ... there is a motorcycle for you to ride and yup go around.... you can use car for family outing reason

at the same time cut your carbon footprint and hell yes.... these people are so funny i think i want to puke at...well for me am lucky am sticking with my kancil no matter what the others said... :D

i proudly kena tahan 2 times because of my speed limit is kmh 121 and when i was stopped to recieve the tickets... i said "okay samanlah"... because i know it is my fault and guess what both tickets is not in the system until now... 2 years checking for the ticket... it is just not there.... no need rasuah and yes no money for next election.... guess what there is tons of other taxes you have to pay as well... hurm kinda boring don't you think.. reading all this sort of things... i don't think i need to post few more example of this... just go to NTV7 and brag your ideology at "hak pengguna" that might have effect rather than fbpost :D

owh and i was lucky i don't use white sugar.... and i dislike to consume things that are to sweet..... besides do you know that white sugar is bleached(okay i might been exaggerated ...it is just sulfur dioxide bleaching).... i prefer brown and other type of sugar... better on the taste because of molasses flavor and healthier...

mmm am just bord so i commented this because i think that other people are too keen on politics and failed to really think on what we can contribute :D.. as i said i don't agree in all the price hike but... i think carbon footprint and health are far more important... maybe you can cut down some for your future :D

and later midnight more people fighting hahaha in fb

Saturday, November 13, 2010


hah yes my life sounded exactly similar to the lyrics below.... and yet i wrote

"I close my eyes and I see you..... itsumo omoide.... sumimasen desu....
atashiwa hotoni baka.... shogoto iru ka, ishogashii desu ka... atashiwa itsumo
matte irudeshou"

seriously .... i am not sure anymore.... hontoni sabishii :( and i don't even dare to tell...

My skin doesn't fit
My world seems so hollow
I feel like a fraud
That's a bitter pill to swallow
Sometimes just hits me right between the eyes
Everyone can see through my disguise...

Who am I fooling
I'm just a smiling face
In a make believe world
Who am I fooling
I'm just a wannabe
So easy to replace
Pretending I'm a perfect girl

All alone in the mirror
All alone on the shelf
I'm trying to hold on to a little piece of myself
Doesn't anybody realize
Even I don't buy my own disguise..

Who am I fooling
I'm just a smiling face
In a make believe world
Who am I fooling
I'm just a wannabe
So easy to replace
Pretending I'm a perfect girl

There's a part of me that's fighting back
There's a part of me that knows
When I'm pouring out my heart
I'm still putting on a show

Who am I fooling
In a make believe world
Who am I fooling
So easy to replace
Pretending I'm a perfect girl

Who am I fooling
I'm just a smiling face
In a make believe world
Who am I fooling
I'm just a wannabe
So easy to replace
Pretending I'm a perfect girl

Who am I fooling
I'm just a smiling face
In a make believe world
Who am I fooling
I'm just a wannabe
So easy to replace
Pretending I'm a perfect girl

Pretending I'm a perfect girl

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Just for a sec

okay so.. i am here venting all alone

my life, emotionally depends on my hamster which i call "g flowerhorn comel".. yup, okay! weird i know.. am wearing baju kurung since morning and get ready for work but mum is still MIA with my car.. and i decide to write something.. which i failed since i am to busy with students presentation, report bla bla bla.... and yet prep for meeting tomorrow hell yeah i am no ready....

my life since "g flowerhorn comel" was superb.. the place where i talk to, be pampered, be extremely happy, be my self with, be nice to, taking care to, the place where all the fight and quarrel is seems the best where at the end.... i realize i was crazy enough to own a hamster and be totally emotionally depending to it...

so last weekend was my girl talk with Reen which i avoid to do with almost half dozen of other close friend which i purposely neglected ... start to talk about how confuse i am with Defy.. and all this attention i get from my "g flowerhorn comel hamster" (yup i laugh most of the time because of this name anyway)

yet i receive a news which i didn't expect that i will burst into the state of confusion.. the state of uncertainty .. Few month after Defy back here in Malaysia and i didn't manage to pick him up due to Fara's Wedding ceremony.. and till then i never met him yet.... and the only relationship we have is Selamat Malam sms's or once a month call... and previously once a year meet.. we been here.. we've been in this state before....DEFEATED is the word i prefer to use....

he will left me for New Zealand... that would be 1 year.... 6 month if he manage to pull everything ASAP there.... and i just not sure anymore.. where should i stand.. funnily with all the attention i got from my hamster i still burst into tears.. what now.... how many years ..... i've cheated on him before and i might do it again.... which i don't want to.... we've promise and yes he remind me of that last night.... i can't do this.... i can't take it... but i been strong long enough to stand still in this relationship.... without him going through every single tears in my eyes... every file in my head... and how we manage this without involve in each other life.... with no decision n plan that most people do it together... a sudden emptiness strike me.... i shut it last night.... i ask him to put off the phone.... and my hamster..... stood all night talking to me.... making me happy with those cute sound like a bird chirping in my ears.. i laugh... and i laugh so hard because i depends on it to much....

i wake up with tears and heavy headache.. yes i know am no angel..... i'm a sinner....
after i prepared breakfast for mum and i stayed in my room getting prepared... she knock and burst her vent to me... which making me more hurtful.... i didnt respond and shut my door and hit my old crt monitor.... that was nothing.... i do it to my doors before so .. monitor is a save bet.... i should get those punching bag..... i dont vent to people as much.... but my last event when i had a fight and vent to my best friend about his decision to quit his master and job was un-retractable. i try to control it more now....am not sure why i keep everything and once i vent it, it is too late.... hurm life is falling apart on my side more and more..... i am just tired with all this ...

"Say (All I Need)"

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Post Raya + Doa Selamat

well i just wanted to label it as doa selamat... a post raya meet actually... this time around i would not bother to re arrange the pix and all but ya so, here is some of the pix
Attendees: Post grad lab, SMC, Tutor FTMM and FPTEK
p.s Thanks Guys... for tolerating the food and the delay :D

Makan time
Grilled Chicken Tortilla
Self timer Family pix
ahaks dessert :Pengat jagung and my all new self made orange cake new recipe
Self Timer first round
Why lah i have to cook and i have to adjust this damn things....
yup the guy were so excited while the girls malu malu kambing
Still: They call them the beach boys
All new Shashukar recipe
Al fresco dining my personal choice for hi-tea
And again
Makan makan... alamak there is the tray for jalapeno poppers and i didnt manage to snap the output
Almost perfect family picture

Jalapeno poppers .. serve hot... so tak ada gambar baru kuar oven :P tak sempat

Monday, October 18, 2010

apa sebenarnya

2 month earlier i had a Minor eye sight goes blank... gelap habis- but only lasted for 3-4 second with elapse of 10-15minute

this month.. i hardly sleep or didn't sleep at all

this 3 days... baring telentang tapi rasa belakang kepala macam kena pijak!

peliknya.. tak ada severe headache...

damnu.... keep mixing up the Eng and BM, and i don't care about it....

to my body: please don't ask me to do something stupid like taking cough syrup + flu pills with coke...onegaishimasu... when i am not suppose to... i wont go for it since i promise myself I will not take even paracetamol after those ridiculous minor surg

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Itu pilihan kita

~menulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia sempena bulan bahasa kebangsaan walaupun gagal beberapa hari untuk menggunakan BM selama 24jam sehari~

~tidak itu bukan isu hari ini
~ya saya busan membaca status di muka buku
~ya saya rasa itu pilihan kamu
~ya saya rasa ia pilihan saya untuk menulis coretan harini ini walaupun mungkin mengundang sesuatu.
~ya saya rasa geli membaca status di muka buku
  • kerana saya rasa kamu tak layak berkata seolah olah ilmu Agama didada bergitu mendalam kerana ternyata, kami mengatahui apa yg kau lakukan.
  • kerana saya rasa kamu tak patut bongkar segalanya kerana kamu lebih mengetahui pilihan yang kamu ambil selama ini ternyata salah. bukan sekali kamu membuat pilihan tersebut, tapi berkali kali
  • kerana saya rasa orang yang membanding-bandingkan Agama sesama kita tak layak duduk di negara yang berbilang Kaum, Adat dan Agama.
  • kerana saya rasa kamu suka berpura-pura
  • saya tak suka penipuan
  • saya tidak mengambil pihak
  • saya tak suka kerana akhirnya bangsa dan Agama saya dicela kerana kamu.
  • saya harap keduanya berhenti, saya berharap saya tak perlu baca lagi

bukan satu atau dua orang dalam hidup saya mengatakan saya kebudak budakan..... tapi saya rasa kamu berdua lebih teruk lagi kerana segalan pekung 5 tahun yang telah berlalu dibiarkan ketahuan. Maaf kawan, tahap kesabaran saya tidak dapat menampung pandangan saya yang semakin rapuh untuk menghormati kamu. tapi kalau kamu berdua boleh berpura-pura kenapa tidak saya. Ya ini pandangan saya sebagai seorang kawan!.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

4 Down few more to go and haih~ unfortunate event

Huhu the door gift

Firstly sorry if i can't make it to your wedding... 7 wedding reception and i only manage to attend 4 of them... but for tomorrow, need to discuss with mum about this...

first stop: Lily and Maha..... Wedding reception
congratsss may love bring you wealth and prosperity until the end... and sorry cant give you the two door fridge for your wedding gift... but since i was told that you really going to try for kids, i think that is a perfect gift :P wink wink

Second stop: Afiq and Fana
Bebudak kecik tahniah cepat cepat dimurahkan rezeki hendaknya.. uih best wei kawin anak.. belum sempat tua anak dah besar...

3rd stop: Zainal's off Zainal and Din construction Daughter Wedding reception
Huhu i love roasted kambing... and the gamelan too.... thanks for the invitation

4th: si kudud FUAD:
aihhh dah habis mengah dah makan aje.... but sorry i am so tired and turn to a selfish bitch and park right in front the tent :P ahaks manage talk for a while and... time toooo.. wohhh no not yet sista

5th: Open house (Avon jln rahmat)
uh didn't manage to even get out from the car.. just sekodeng from a far... huhuhu

Anyway the bad news is

on the way from first to second stop... suddenly there is a large stone... hit my car..saw it clearly it's coming from a lorry opposite direction of where we going to... and there (moral of the story.. you will be lucky if you use expensive glass materiel and be lucky the shield didn't burst to you and you still save felt at ease but... once you have a mark there :( )

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Happy Birthday Alish

sigh.. how much i wanted everything to go with the flow.... am just tired..... yup yup graduate another year of mylife without proper achievement... how much i hate to talk about how bad i felt all over again.. how bad i wanted to be what i always pretend to be... i should try once not to pretend .... the only part i never failed to show myself is how much i hate certain somebody and how to keep my distance from everybody.... well the truth is i am not sure about anything, the truth is i hate myself not just at the moment..it all started back in schooling days which after graduating from it i promise myself to change my way .. at the end no matter how much i try i am still failed in this particular session.... and damn ....

i am now trying something different.. forcing my feeling towards something, make believe of things that I've always unsure with.

i keep my faith up.. i keep my chin up always..... just hope that this feeling just flown anyway... funny.. i was suppose to be happy today... instead here i was... writing.... crying... and keep thinking what's up with me.... your loves one sent you a card in advance, pressie was here, you basically eat tons of stuff.... call with all those wishes.... and am just stupid... there i said it.... till i think i wanna write again... i just hope tomorrow i will be in bangi and have a nice chat with Ayin

p.s Thanks my loves ones (Friends, Family, Defy)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Pan Seared beef with gremolata and pommes puree+ Mini pizza

Sigh, so i tot of having alfresco dining with both of my colleague, but sadly the weather was to warm and i have to do tons of stuff before lunch time.. and i had enough trouble going around that day... anyway Thanks Gordan Ramsey... :P
Credits: http://www.channel4.com/food/recipes/chefs/gordon-ramsay/glazed-fillets-of-beef-recipe_p_1.html

Pan Sear beef with Gremolata and Pommes puree
Pan Sear beef with gremolata and pommes puree was my personal favorite..... i normally prepare it medium rare... i sengaja cook well done... thinking that since my guest is Muslim i should cook well done... the beef is as stiff as a plank and am not happy with the output at all..
how ever.... the Pommes Puree (Whipped potato) is suppose to be the balancers for the beef because chicken stock was use to season the gravy and, Gremolata is act as how to say like an appetizer.... it is a mix of capers and fresh leaves....
Personal Note: Menyesal buat well-done :(

The mini pizza

Never cook two things at one time... i failed to take this out on time for the perfect timing as the crust is to thin and lesser time to cook become a pizza of course... haih...and under season..... :( sorry guys ...so much for the expectation... cant sleep that night thinking that i failed my well planned lunch :( rasa macam nak masak lagi bagi lagi sekali :(

I've shared the pizza recipe now the Pan seared/glazed Beef


2 beef fillets
2 cloves garlic, whole, lightly crushed
Sprig rosemary
Sprig thyme
1 bay leaf
Approx 250ml chicken stock
Olive oil
Salt & freshly ground black pepper

For the gremolata:
2 lemons
Handful flat leaf parsley
Approx 2 tbsp capers, drained

For the pommes puree:
this is the type of potato-romano... i use... sangat cepat empuk ok

500g floury potatoes such as King Edward or Romano, well scrubbed
Approx 60ml semi skimmed milk
1 - 2 tbsp olive oil

How to:

1.To make the pommes puree, place the potatoes in a pan of cold water and bring to the boil. Lower the heat and simmer for 15-20 minutes or until they feel tender when pierced. Drain and peel while still hot (wearing rubber gloves to protect your hands if needed). Push the potatoes through a mouli or ricer. Heat the milk in a pan to boiling point. Add the mashed potato to the milk then beat in the olive oil and season with salt and pepper.

2.To prepare the gremolata, finely zest the lemons, chop the parsley and mix together with the capers, season to taste and set aside.

3.Season the steaks with salt and pepper. Heat a little olive oil in a very hot pan. Add the steaks and sear on all sides, this should take approx 2 ½ minutes - aim to get a good colour on the meat here as some of it will be lost during the glazing. Add the rosemary, garlic, thyme and bay leaves to the pan and allow to infuse. When the steak is seared on all sides, drain the oil from the pan.

The Vids:

owh owh and thanks Zaini for the Fruit Salad ... Yum~ Yum~ Thanks for coming both of you

J's wedding and Meeting Doria

Am so happy for you... and pray that your loves will last forever, i am going to miss you and have fun..... cepat cepat buat baby :P

/me with the bride and groom

Am so happy to get Doria to come with me for J's wedding... Thanks doria Hugssss
see how good she look in this kebaya.. it was like her best friend wedding pulak :P
Thanks Roy for taking our picture
Reading invitation from Pa-e

The Group picture

Haih Thanks Doria for everything... thanks for becoming such a great friend (t0o bad i am not as good as you are) thanks for being my one day partner, thanks for the hi-tea and the most thanks for my first birthday present this year hugsssss

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

What an Idiot

i don't know why but I've been hating this one guy since forever

he misunderstood my statement. he think that: i think he is Gay (I have tons of Gay friends and i don't care what is your sexual orientation... )

well he reminded me about uttering ....

hello MR.. do i look like i care since you mistook my statement.. of course it was for myself takkanlah i said you should be careful...

your friend is a guy and am obviously a girl (hoho).. it is too impossible i address it for you.. so since he proudly said he is staying in Malacca but still put Leicester as current location ... ehem and scroll down abit.. there

Harvard University '10


Public Relations

so much for a Harvard grad and taking communication major in public relation..... ops i think that's why he think that he is so clever and just would love to crush everyone else.... orangnya biasa biasa je pulak tu .. bukanlah bazaar sangat pun.... but i guess it is true thou .... most people who works and study in overseas always think that they better than other... my friend was complaining even a friend who just came back from traineeship pun so full of themself....

just a little note..... people and friends who think that they better then all of us here.... please okay... build your own group and get married and mingle with your same level peers only okay.... buat macam kawan kawan aku yg sekarang dah kaya raya, yang mak mak, yang preggy preggy they bff with each other.... kecuali ko boleh sama levelkan otak ko tu dengan kita orang than ... we really loved to be your friend... but if you're here just to judge and think that you better than anyone else, please! let us live peacefully without tambahkan dosa kitaorang yang dah habis naik menyampah dengan ko... ah aku busy malas nak layan ....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hitori, Pizza (+Recipe) and Asam Pedas

Yup i stayed back at BP and Ibu went to Perak for 2 days..... she finally arrived last night @ 12 ++ so since am alone i figure out to cook something that i can eat the whole day with out having to keep cooking for self...

solution 1 :Pizza
First day and first pizza i made

Today: breakfast pizza.. i lessen the cooking time the crust is much nicer
Yummmmy ... still can't believe i made this lovely pizza from scratch

Solution 2: Asam pedas lada kering... hoho my house never serve asam pedas lada kering. Ibu's recipe always asam pedas lada hidup.. but since ibu is not around.. why not fulfilling my hunger towards hot and spicy food bwahahaha

Okay okay here is the pizza recipe... i know am always mean when it come to recipe sharing.... it is hard for me to share the amount (not because of i don't want to but masak campak baling that's what happen)... i learn cooking by eye and takes some time to adjust until i come to this stage.... (Tiba tiba teringat masa kat office bebudak ajak join kelas masak dan buat roti.... huhuhu jahat sebab aku jawap apelah gunanya jalurlebar dan youtube kalau tak digunakan sepenuhnya... dang)
however.... this is from youtube but will tell you what do i twist from the recipe. dont be so stern and need specific amout for everything... taste it and add what ever necessary.

No i didn't twist anything from this recipe - except for the part he ask to leave the yeast and warm water for 10 minute, i do it 15... because when the yeast is still sleepy and you mix in the flour to earlier, then bread just wont rise.. trust me... when i try to do oregano baguette that is what i learn from try and error....... but if you malas there is this no-knead dough recipe which is equally good but a little messy to handle. Click here for the link.

after kneading

The sauce

Firstly just skip the misleading story and personality. The recipe will only start at 4.46 minute of the video... and i change most the recipe....

the important component

i keep my herbs in freezer, don't thaw if you follow my way of cooking, i froze half of the thing that i find it hard to find in bp.
i saute yellow onion and garlic paste until translucent, add garlic paste, a bit of chili giling (still not spicy at all), i use 2 fresh blended tomato (preferred-Romano tomato-> the color should be fiery red and oval shape)
and a table spoon of tomato puree, stir in basil, rosamary, and i put alot of oregano should be 1 1/2 table spoon i guess, owh and i put bay leaf , somehow, another twist would be chicken bullion just 1/4 cube, salt and a bit of sugar.. don't put to much , i put it in just to cover the cili giling effect on the sauce.

simmer to thicken...

since am to malas to shop for topping .... meat ball should be okay...
tell you what.. use bakso recipe,
or if you malas buy that saudi meat ball thou am a little suspicious with that brand...
(safest: 100 gram tenderloin, blend with, cornstarch, a bit of garlic, it is a bakso meatball so a bit of salt and pepper). boil the meat ball until floating, put in the sauce, turn off the heat. since the meat ball is still warm, so does the sauce, it will absorb everything. and i skip marjoram, i didn't keep any and i skip bell pepper too, i will put it as a topping, and i don't like fennel as much as i hate celery stalk.

wallah after reducing
the topping
to cheat the sauce... buy the Kimball or Prego garlic and (something a herb) kejap i google for you.... http://www.prego.com/product_landing.aspx haih kat sini ada tomato and basil. but theres the one with garlic and herbs?... that should be okay.. Italian sauce should be fine... but depends on you-lah but if i ever wanna short cut this recipe i wont go for mushroom .... haaa jumpa pun http://www.campbellsoup.com.my/products.php?cat=2004&sub=2021
it is tomato, garlic and basil sauce or traditional.. this two je lah i guess.. i pick it as the ingredient showed on the list is closest to the sauce recipe.

happy trying :P

Saturday, September 04, 2010


Yep.... after being so busy everyday i manage to crank up the oven again.. thou i did bake cake yesterday to give some to zaini and kak jam.. and my last chocolate chip cookie order this week.. and i manage to stay awake for Ayin's stuff.... thou am super tired from all those baking... and students keep gTALK-ing me until 2 am almost everyday.... nak refuse to explain tak sampai hati pulak.... owh

p.s Thanks untuk semua yang order sampai 2-3 bottle choc chip cookies sorang... halalkan makan minum aku.. sebab aku yang buat mana tau not up to the taste..saya minta maaf awal awal... anyway Thanks .... Rezeki raya kot...

bangun tido terus keluarkan bahan bahan Macaroon...

so this is the output: French almond macaroon with vanilla and chocolate mousseline..... huhu...to sweet for my tooth

it took me sometime to start mixing together the almond flour and meringue.. i read dozens of blog and vlog how they failed to archive the macaroon foot and what you should not do and what to focus on.. okay thats it kalau jadi jadi lah...

the worst part is why suddenly the batter become to watery... but i said again.. tak apa alish bukannya sedap pun menatang ni kot... (but yes i was tempted after i saw eunice box of macaroons and fara's request last time)
and there.... my foot flatted back which totally my fault as i lower down the heat to fast.... it suppose to be heigher... ke sebab aku takut dia hangus (damn i still bad at using the new oven.. i am scared to take any orders as it produce some type of smell in my stuff... which i didn't enjoy every bits of it-the taste is still a bit weird...) huhu apa sebenarnya and

finally just to advice to people who are going to do this.
i understand now why the hell most of the blog and shops using this flavor: passion fruit, green tea, strawberry, raspberry.. sour, bland and bitter taste with the mousseline. as mousseline alone is too sweet.. especially since i choose vanilla.. huhu i scrape some off and put in dark chocolate ganache... as for me..if i ever wanted to do this again.. it would be pistachio or dark chocolate.. huhu
to sweet..... not my cup of tea... maybe mocha and coffee can help me... with the vanilla.. yup i will try it now... huhu... tabur nescafe on the vanilla mousseline.... yup apa lagi orang lain cuba gak lah ye :P good luck