It is never an easy task to keep everything hold up in your emotional
sleeves... especially when you has been handling things around differently thou
nobody actually notice it... I finally decide to write something up to lift the
heavy burden on my shoulder... which instantly reminds me of Hans Isaac and
erra issues back then... FGS
It has been a month now... I am not sure will it tear fully apart or
this is just hell off a rocky turn ... I am not even sure which path should I
choose and will it be a smooth ride...
I stop asking from HIM this few days. It is not that I disbelieve but I
think I should just stop ... embarrassed, ironically ridiculous.
Listed down few things on what I should stop. But to tell the truth...
it already was, even before I start listing it up...
I was thinking of a gateway ... alone... but thinking of even going to
petrol station 15 minute away already piss mum off, I just switch it
off...
It does break my heart when people already decide for me that I have to
stay here... almost 3 years now since walid left us... the funny thing about a
talk... a talk is just a talk... naturally they tell you they didn’t force
you... and you make your own choices but then later on that exact moment a
statement as "well you live here and soon both of you will have to face
the same thing all over again"... and it is funny how people can be
defensive but when you trying to put your own words to it.. The word immature
comes straightway to your face...
the most disappointing was when you try so hard, you provide everything
without thinking of your own happiness and needs was easily come down too
"satu sen pun tak guna"... was rather disappointing.
Seeing other people can’t even stand staying in Batu Pahat
more than 5 days was amusing. Especially with those words and judgements. Much
more hurtful if they didn't lift any burden but keep putting in and
still everything went well...
What more can disappoint you when your plan is indeed only a
plan...
A month of coldness
A plan which is just a plan
A talk which breaks you more
Keep praying
Keep think about positive things
and yet you still have to pretend that everything went well...
OKAY ALRIGHT
I am trying so hard ...
It is that easy for people to keep giving advices … which later comes
down to … pray hard to HIM….
It’s getting lonely all of sudden… my happiness was stripped away and
yet to return … I guess… yes I know… everything happen for a reason… I miss him...
That’s all I can say… I wish to talk to somebody… and the person just listens
to me…
Funny… I always
complain how he always called to listen and just listen to my story every
night...even venting out sometimes … memories indeed can’t be
erase…
I miss my warm sunny day
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