British English vs Malaysian English

oleh kerana ada yang dah menegur .. maka terpaksalah buka cerita... bukan pasal apa... ada juga dapat text yang lebih kurang tegurnya macam tu... radio jelah yang aku leh dengar time mengadap jalan yang sesak dari BP ke PR.... citernya aku jarang lah dengar mix... memang manjang dengar hitz... tapi kadang kadang gotcha call tu aku tak leh terima.. dah aku juga tak suka brother love dekat xfm... maka tinggal la mix.. len lah duk jb leh dengar 95.0, 93.3 dan yang sewaktu dengannya.. tu pun sebelah pagi biasa aku dengar 63.9 masa kat jb dulu.. sebab news dalam Nihongo(Bahasa jepun).... topik dia pasal kita punya broken english (ye aku bukan kisah sangat student ke, kawan kawan dengan broken English.. sebab aku pun masih nak betulkan gammar aku... kalau ada confident cakap tak semestinya betul ye tak) so bawah ni ada sikit snippet yang aku jumpa dan kebetulan lebih kurang..... + yang orang call cerita tu tak reti ah nak citer balik... but worth laughing... memang terbaek topik ni...

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( Copied from forwarded email - colored red is the one I've heard over the radio today morning on mix)

Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below -

Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective etc:

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don’t be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don’t recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I’d prefer not to do that, if you don’t mind.
Malaysians: Don’t want la…

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you’re coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I’m trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that….

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn’t the way to do it, here let me show you,
Malaysians: like that also don’t know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians: Celaka u