Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Zetsubou- Masalah yang bukan masalah


so I am heartbroken when i can't be myself... i was heartbroken when i was ask to slim down... or wear make up or i need to wear something which I'm not...... it make me feels ugly all of sudden.... but if i say who am i saying NO to is rather harder than accepting the fact that i was not perfect enough.... i face a new sad chapter.. apparently my luck run out on me even for my job.... but i was heartbroken even more when Ibu reminded me to married somebody who willing to take care of me rather than marrying somebody who i loved....or get the job which require no certification.... it is hard to felt this way... it is hard to know you have so many option but you cant take it..... and those job offers .... batu pahat is no go for me... but i cant complain .... i choose to stay here because of Ibu.... and because i know her deeply... i have to let go most of the option i have.... well seems like running to prep for new job was hopeless.... it is official now it is not for me..... i badly want that job...i even ask help to proxy and finalize my application last month from an old friend to my lecturer.... haih what the.... la

but what am i feeling now are far more worst... it kinda funny thou.... i was strong enough not to cry before this but... recently even a single line burst me into tears..... hurm the pretenders chapter in my life left me into despair... i was lucky that i was given chance to be my self again... what more could i ask.... chances..... chances to be myself... chances to choose my future... chances to be with someone i love.... chances to get that job... chances to do more things in my life.. chances to travel.. chances to be happy with less needing to pleased everybody... chance to please myself.. chances... well that list aint gonna be short .... chances is all i'll ask.... would i have it? will i get it? soon i wish... but can i? or will i? zetsubou

No comments: